Navigating Custody During the Holidays
A Guide for Parents in Ontario
The holiday season is often a time for family, traditions and spending meaningful time together. For separated or divorced parents, however, the holidays can also bring additional stress when it comes to parenting schedules, travel, family gatherings and changes to a child’s usual routine.
Planning ahead can help reduce conflict and make the holidays easier for everyone, particularly the children.
In Ontario, what was traditionally referred to as “custody” and “access” is now generally addressed using the terms
decision making responsibility and
parenting time. Parenting arrangements can be established through a separation agreement or court order, and the specific terms of that agreement or order should be reviewed carefully before making holiday plans. Ontario
Review Your Parenting Agreement or Court Order
The first step is to review your existing parenting plan, separation agreement or court order.
Holiday schedules may be addressed separately from the regular parenting schedule. For example, an agreement may provide specific arrangements for Christmas, Hanukkah, March Break, Thanksgiving, school holidays, birthdays or other special occasions.
If your agreement or order contains a holiday schedule, that schedule may take precedence over the regular weekly parenting arrangement.
If the wording is unclear, do not assume that you and the other parent have the same interpretation. A disagreement over a few hours or a particular exchange location can quickly become more complicated during the holidays.
Plan Holiday Parenting Time Early
Holiday schedules often involve more moving parts than a normal parenting schedule. Children may have family gatherings, activities, travel plans and school events, while parents may have work commitments or extended family visiting from out of town.
Discussing the schedule well in advance can help avoid unnecessary conflict.
Consider confirming:
- The exact dates and times for each parent's parenting time
- Where exchanges will take place
- Who will be responsible for transportation
- Travel arrangements, if applicable
- Whether the child will be spending time with extended family
- Any special traditions or events that are important to the child
- How changes to the schedule will be communicated
Putting the agreed arrangements in writing can also help prevent misunderstandings.
Remember That the Child's Best Interests Come First
When parenting arrangements are determined by a court in Ontario, the best interests of the child are the central consideration. The law directs courts to give primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well being. Factors can include the child's needs, relationships with parents and other important people, stability, history of care and each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent. Ontario
The federal Divorce Act similarly requires courts dealing with parenting orders to consider only the best interests of the child, with primary consideration given to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well being. Department of Justice Canada
During the holidays, this means parents should try to focus on what will provide the child with a safe, stable and positive experience rather than treating the parenting schedule as a competition between parents.
Be Flexible When Reasonable
A parenting order or agreement provides structure, but there may be situations where parents mutually agree to make a temporary change.
For example, one parent may have an important family event that falls outside their scheduled parenting time, while the other parent may want additional time with the child for a special occasion.
If both parents are comfortable with a temporary change, flexibility can sometimes benefit everyone.
However, parents should be careful about making informal changes when there is an existing court order. If a change is agreed upon, it is generally helpful to document the agreement clearly so there is a written record of what was decided.
Consider Travel Plans Carefully
Holiday travel can create additional issues, particularly when a child will be travelling outside Ontario or outside Canada.
Parents should review their parenting agreement or court order before making travel arrangements and determine whether there are specific requirements concerning travel, notice, consent or documentation.
If the other parent does not agree with proposed travel, or if there are concerns about a child being removed from Ontario, legal advice may be appropriate. Ontario law allows courts to make orders concerning the removal of a child from Ontario and can include restrictions concerning travel. Ontario
Parents should avoid leaving travel arrangements until the last minute when consent or a court order may be required.
Keep Communication Focused on the Children
Holiday discussions can become emotionally charged, particularly when parents are dealing with an already difficult separation.
Keeping communication focused on practical parenting issues can help.
Instead of revisiting past disagreements, focus on questions such as:
When will the child be picked up?
Where will the exchange take place?
What time will the child return?
Does the child have any activities or commitments?
Are there any travel plans that need to be discussed?
Clear, respectful communication can reduce the opportunity for misunderstandings and help children transition between households more comfortably.
What If the Other Parent Does Not Follow the Schedule?
If a parent does not comply with an existing parenting order or agreement, the appropriate response will depend on the circumstances.
Ontario law provides mechanisms concerning parenting orders and their enforcement. A court can make orders addressing parenting time and other aspects of parenting arrangements. Ontario
Parents should avoid taking matters into their own hands or unilaterally withholding parenting time in response to a disagreement. If there is an ongoing or serious dispute, obtaining legal advice can help determine what options are available.
Where there are immediate concerns about a child's safety, the situation may require more urgent legal assistance.
A Little Planning Can Go a Long Way
The holidays do not need to become a source of conflict.
Parents can often reduce stress by discussing holiday arrangements early, following the terms of their existing agreement or court order, communicating changes clearly and keeping the focus on the child's needs.
Every family situation is different. If you are uncertain about your parenting schedule, have concerns about holiday travel or are unable to reach an agreement with the other parent, speaking with an Ontario family lawyer before the holidays may help you understand your rights and options.
Rimawi Law provides family law services to clients in Belleville and the surrounding communities. Contact our office to discuss your circumstances and learn how we may be able to assist. (613) 779-1347
This article provides general legal information and is not intended to provide legal advice. Every family law matter is different, and you should obtain legal advice about your individual circumstances.
